Monday. Ergh. For me its the most dreaded day of the week due to the boring routine that inevitably follows. Today’s exciting task was to clean up the family room. Yay. So with Violet taking her morning nap, there was nothing else for it.
I walked in and assessed the damage: There was crap EVERYWHERE. I didn’t bother tidying it over the weekend because well, it was the weekend! But the fallout of that decision was now flaunting it’s squalor in my face. I couldn’t stand it any longer. I never know how long miss V will sleep for these days (could be 30 mins, could be 3 hours!) so I prioritise my task list.
- Pick up 50 bazillion toys that have been carefully and methodically strewn across the room
- Wipe down and de-salmonella-ise the high chair (I hate this job! why do high chairs have so many crevices?)
- Wipe every visible surface that’s been touched by grubby fingers (i.e. all of them)
- Vacuum the play mat
- Vacuum the floors
- And finally: vacuum under the couch.
Now, I’m a very thorough vacuum-er. When I vacuum (which is generally once a day in high-impact areas) I like to do it right. I’m talking behind doors, under mats, and of course, under the furniture. So you should have seen the look of shock on my face when I bent down to look under the couch on this particular occasion. OMG…..! It was not pretty.
There was so much crap under there. Like, I’m not exaggerating…it was hideous. What if somebody had visited and casually glanced under the couch and seen the multitude of sins that were residing there!?!?! I shudder at the thought. Despite being thoroughly ashamed and embarrassed, I thought it was my duty to share a selection of some what I found with all of you (so that you don’t feel the same shame and horror that I did!).
So here’s what I found under just one of the two couches in that room (I can’t share it all with you, as I need some of my dignity to remain intact!).
Mr Potato Head’s hat. We bought Violet a Mr Potato Head when we were overseas on holiday recently. It was a bribe toy and proved very popular. I have no idea where the rest of Mr Potato is currently situated, but I’ve found his hat! Hurrah!
A teaspoon. This one was from this morning, as usual I made myself a coffee and was trying to drink it in peace when V decided she wanted to share. I always keep the spoon on hand so she can have a bit of the milk froth, and then distract herself with the spoon. I don’t feel too bad about this one because it’d only been there for an hour or so.
An assortment of pegs. I’m not sure why I ever decided to buy my child toys, since one of her favourite play items is the clothes pegs. I’ve literally bought twice as many pegs as we previously owned, so that I don’t have to scour the house looking for them when I’ve done a load of washing. To be honest, I’d prefer them to be hidden under the couch than left lying on the floor as I’ve slipped on a peg on more than one occasion, and it is both painful and humiliating.
A tiny Cabbage Patch Baby figurine. Again, no idea how long she was there, but Nicolette (yes, thats her name!) seems to find herself in the strangest of places around the house. Under the couch is actually quite acceptable in this instance. In my water glass however, is not.
A piece of bread crust. God. That could be from today (she had toast for breakfast) or weeks ago! I wonder how long it takes a piece of old crust to go mouldy? That might help in working out how long its been there (must google that later).
A french fry. Ok this one is embarrassing. It’s bad enough we’re eating fast food on the couch (what are we, the Simpsons?) but this could also be from the weekend, or weeks ago. I have a husband who goes crazy for Maccas so I blame him for this one. Trav: you should be totally ashamed of yourself!!!
A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Yep, theres a TMNT under my couch. Raphael to be exact. You may be surprised that my 15 month old girl even owns a Ninja Turtle, but if you knew us, you probably wouldn’t be. Both Trav and I were TMNT fans as kids, my favourite was Donatello (the purple one) and his was Leonardo (the blue one). Trav took advantage of me going on and on about not just buying girls toys when she was born (apparently it’s not good for there development and pigeon holes them as stereotypical girls). So I agreed we should buy her one. But when we couldn’t decide on whether she should get my favourite turtle or his, a compromised was reached and Raphael found a new home. Perhaps he appreciates being under the couch as I’m sure its somewhat more sanitary than a sewer?
So now you all know my deepest darkest under-the-couch secrets! I’m also pleased that there is no longer anything embarrassing under my couches, and that all the offending items have been relocated to more appropriate corners of our home.
Are you brave enough to tell me what’s under your couch?
P.s. If it’s nothing more than a clean floor, then we should probably stop forcing the friendship as we have nothing in common 😉